Why I hate WhatsApp groups

Photo by AARN GIRI on Unsplash

At a family gathering some months ago a cousin of mine approached me and told me he was angry with me. Why? I exited the cousins WhatsApp group when he added me. He had held unto that anger for a very long time. Apparently all the cousins in the family were talking about it and ‘it didn’t speak well of me’, as though my entire reputation relied on my being a part of a WhatsApp group. The invention of WhatsApp some years ago has made communication so easy. Why pay 8p for a text message per page when you can spend far less on messaging on Whats App? I like WhatsApp too, but for casual messaging. If I really need to reach out to someone urgently, I’ll call the person. I absolutely do not like WhatsApp groups. They are insufferable because they quikcly devolve into platforms for the spread of lies and rumnours. The existence of group pages on WhatsApp has created what I can only call a cesspool of group pages. I personally have come to find WhatsApp groups a nuisance. Currently, I belong to just one somewhat active WhatsApp group which is supposed to be a guild of Ghanaian film directors.

For some reason people think that the existence of What’s app groups gives them the right to add people to groups without seeking their consent. The fact that I went to Primary School, went to Secondary School doesn’t mean I want to be part of a WhatsApp group of my mates from school. Who got married, who had a baby is none of my concern. Some years ago I was indulging myself in one of my guilty pleasures; Real Housewives of Atlanta to be precise, Nene was blasting Kim and I was here for it and then suddenly my phone beeped. I checked only to see I had been added to a WhatsApp group of my mates from primary school. I cannot remember half of the kids I went to primary school with. I did not even know who had my number to add me to the group. I did remember a few of the kids I went to primary school with but I doubt I’ll make them out if I bumped into them somewhere. Suddenly, the group administrator was asking all of us to reintroduce ourselves, what work we do, whether we’re married or not or have kids. My first thought was to immediately delete the group but I decided to lurk for a bit. One participant claimed to be studying at Harvard and was married to an Argentinian woman. That’s all well and good but how is that my business? How does his schooling at Harvard put food on my table? How does the information he was giving add value to my existence? After lurking for a few hours, I exited the group. I was immediately put back and I exited again and put back again. I had to openly write that I was not interested in being in the group. I exited the group a third time and wasn’t added back.

There are WhatsApp groups for all kinds of nonsense these days. I remember my father creating three nonsensical groups. One called Great Afonu Family, Restricted Afonu Family and another called Afonu Family. Apparently one was supposed to be for just us, as a family (which I find really questionable but that’s another article), Restricted Afonu Family was supposed to be for those who only bared the Afonu last name and the other which is supposed to encompass the larger Afonu family which includes aunts and cousins and uncles, in-laws, you name it. Out of respect for my dad I decided not to immediately exit. Within a few weeks, it had become a group for daily devotionals, nonsensical political issues and spreading of rumors. After my dad posted a video of someone being tortured, that was my cue. I immediately deleted myself from the group and told him if he needed to communicate with me, I’d rather he called.

What’s app groups have five main types of participants; the overzealous administrator, the by force pastor, the constant commenter, the cunt who has no sense of propriety and the Lurker.

The overzealous administrator is the administrator of the group. Mostly he is the one that starts the group. He adds and removes people. He issues warnings, gives reminders and is ALWAYS looking to add new members. Woe unto you if you bump into him in town and he asks for your phone number.

The by force pastor is that person who feels the need to foist his religious beliefs on you. Before you wake in the morning he’s already sent you bible verses and the ‘motivational message for the day’. Ghanaian Christians are probably the most obnoxious group of people. There are pastors everywhere with large billboards advertising their church. You’ll find them in commuter buses preaching to you while you’re on your way to a job interview, looking for some quiet just to center yourself before you get there. You’ll find them in markets and street corners…literally everywhere.

And then there’s that person who feels the need to comment on EVERYTHING! They have an opinion on everything. They are usually the conversation starters. They’ll comment about politics, what someone has done or not done, whether John Manama standing for president again is a good thing or bad thing, who shagged who’s wife…I wonder sometimes; do these people have jobs? Don’t they have other things to do? Maybe watch TV? Eat some fruit, go for a run…don’t they have any fish to fry?? It makes me think that they sit under a tree all day and comment on everything. These people I swear have 36 hours in a day because how are they able to keep up? These people in addition to the administrator seem to know a lot about the participants of the group. They know their birthdays and other anniversaries and are always the first to wish them a happy anniversary. It’s like they have a database that the CIA can’t compete with. Interestingly these people are also those who instigate fights.

Then there’s that cunt who has no sense of propriety. They don’t comment much, but have all kinds of pictures and videos ready to post and quickly posts them into the group. These people are also in a hurry to spread the news about the death of someone. This person has no concept of propriety, as to whether an image may offend someone or not or whether the image being posted has anything to do with the purpose for which the group was set up. They post any kind of shit and wait for the constant commenter to comment. When Ebony died, these cunts were in such a rush to the spread the news. I didn’t care for her music. Her music was not my cup of tea, but she was a young woman who had a whole life ahead of her. She was only 20. These cunts were only interested in posting pictures and videos of her accident and her dead body. They thrive on some weird form of sensationalism.

Then there’s my favorite participant; the Lurker. Lurkers, as the name suggest, Lurk. They read everything that is posted, watch every video that is posted but will never make a comment. So why are they there on the group? To ‘eavesdrop’ on WhatsApp conversations. Some of these lurkers can trace dates and pull transcripts of what was said on a certain date. The silently enjoy the banter and live for the fights that happen on each group.

WhatsApp groups have a way of quickly devolving into a platform to spread lies, rumors and all manner of things that usually defeats the purpose for which the group was set up. My sister tells me the so-called cousins WhatsApp group has become a page filled with politics and sexual innuendos. I don’t think I made a mistake in leaving that group. My cousin who added me needs to seriously rethink which issues to direct his anger towards and not me leaving a WhatsApp group that adds no value to my life.